I was there the day my mum died, why did she die especially
on my sisters 1st birthday? She’s also in hospital she may die too! The
last noise I herd of her was beeeep that’s when I knew she was gone! I had to
rush outside.
As I screamed loudly I cried on the grass the tears fell
down. A car came racing round the corner it only just saw me it dogged me but
hit 3 ambulances and they exploded into flames! But I wondered what I would to
do! Do I save my sister? What happens now?...
Hello Faith,
ReplyDeleteWhat a tragic situation. For your character to have lost a mother and be afraid the little sister may be next is something no one would want to face at any age. I would hope your character had the strength to go back and be with the little sister. She would need someone there for her, even more so if she recovers.
You have made good use of the prompt in your 100WC entry. A tragic experience would make us wonder what we would do.
I can see the care you have taken with spelling and punctuation. My only suggestions come in a couple errors I think you missed when rereading your entry. As examples, heard instead of herd and dodged instead of dogged for spelling.
I know as you are in Year 6 you will be moving on from your current school but perhaps you might take the chance to enter the holiday 100WC prompts. It would be interesting to see if a prompt allowed you to continue your tragic tale. Enjoy your holiday break. :)
Ross Mannell (Team 100WC)
Teacher (retired), N.S.W., Australia