Thursday, 10 May 2012

Olly Durrant Y6 Brundall Primary School


Quickly Mr Besh darted in to the heart of the forest; his heart was thumping like a herd of mighty elephants, carried on.


To his amazement he saw an aqua marine ocean, suddenly he pondered, “What do I need now.” Initially he needed certain plant (for a potion) but now he realised he also needed a Chile Frog.


Slowly he crouched down to place a Chile when a shadowed creature stole it. Luckily he got caught in a weeping willow tree. Rapidly he foraged his bag and then took a dagger and stabbed the Chile Frog. “Finally,” he muttered reassuringly
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6 comments:

  1. Anonymous10 May 2012 at 13:58

    Some decent description however some times it didn't make sense. But a great story!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous10 May 2012 at 14:43

    Thank you for your thoughtful insite.

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  3. Anonymous10 May 2012 at 14:43

    I did that for Olly

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  4. Anonymous10 May 2012 at 17:26

    Its fantastic Olly! Nice words, they're really powerful! :)

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  5. Anonymous11 May 2012 at 18:45

    Hi Olly,
    When you used the simile- his heart was thumping like a herd of mighty elephants it really described how the hear was thumping.

    Ms. DeSelm's Class from Westridge Elem. USA

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  6. Anonymous15 May 2012 at 19:52

    Hello Olly,
    You use some really vivid words to help the reader know what is going on and what things look like in your story. That is a good strength as writer. Organization will help your stories in the future; just taking a few minutes to plan out your conflict and resolution will help your reader better understand what is going on.
    Good job!

    Mrs. Stading
    Team 100WC

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