The man crept through the
summer night, with shivers flurrying down his spine like a water fall. Softly he
scans the ground for any heroic beasts; but all was silent.
Gently, he scrapes the turf
and sniffs it with his nose. Undoubtedly he shouts” this is the spot.”
He lays the beryl blue bag
across the ground – then rummages through it. Surprisingly not all the tent was
there. ”NO” he shouts creating an echo rustling through the trees.
As quick as a flash he rushes
two miles to see his house, But then, ”what do I need? “ he mumbles.
What a fabulous piece of writing, Jordan! I love the adverbs you've used and especially like your description about the shivers flurrying down his spine like a waterfall. That description brought a smile to my face because I could feel those shivers.
ReplyDeleteTake care when you're using speech marks. Always make sure that the first set are followed by a capital letter.
Keep up the wonderful writing!
Mrs Edmonds
http://y3.highlawnprimary.net
Keep up the fabulous writing!
Mrs Edmonds
Nice description Jordan!
ReplyDeleteA fabulous job, Jordan!
ReplyDeleteYour text is well structured, which makes it enjoyable to the eye of the reader and easy to understand. You carefully chose your adjectives and use some powerful metaphors. I will remember the water fall and the spine.
Keep up the great work, Jordan!
Kind regards,
Diethild