Thursday, 10 May 2012

The murder



The murder

I was standing at the bus station waiting, when I heard the distinct yell of my friend, Max. Hurling towards him I heard another shout but longer, “HELP MEEEEEEE!” BANG! It fell silent. I saw him laying. Laying as still as a stone, he had blood dripping on one side of his pale body and on the other side, water.


          There were two people leaning over the body, one with hands like ice and one with a pen. I ran away like a torpedo gliding through the murky water thinking, who was it?…

6 comments:

  1. oh my god poor max!!!!!!!!!!
    hope you dont get hurt to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  2. oh my poor max!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    hope you don't get hurt to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  3. Thats really good sean, i wonder what will happen next...

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  4. Oh my goodness - what a gripping extract - I wonder who they are too! I'm sorry that you were too late to save him but also what had Max been involved in that meant he crossed paths with people who had guns?

    You have used some fantastic imagery/ vocabulary to create the tension showing a real skill with language - I really enjoyed reading this :-)

    Keep posting, Mrs Ratcliffe (Team 100 WC)

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  5. Nice description Sean Spooky!

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