“Now what do I need?” I exclaimed as I was about to trek to
the desert; I finally realised how this was about to become.
Trapped in my tent with the heat of one thousand fires;
burning all over me. The dusty smell of sand suddenly filled my nose- as I stepped
out and ventured into the heart of the desert. Swiftly I turned my sandy dry
old body, towards the demolished sign. Slowly, the sun rose over the mound of
rubble. Unbearable heat all over me “Help!” I cried in pain…
By
Jonny (year 6)
toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ReplyDeletecoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooor
schoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
This is BEASTAGE, keep up the good work for SATS, jono
ReplyDeleteThis is really brilliant! you should give yourself some credit sometime! :)
ReplyDeleteA-maze-ing brilliant! Hope you do well in SATS with your description. Loved it.
ReplyDeleteanother winner jonny!
ReplyDeleteFrom Lorely Team 100WC
ReplyDeleteHi Jonny! I loved reading your story - you really created a great atmosphere, and I could feel how hot it was in that desert! I love you description, 'the heat of a thousand fires' - I can almost feel them! I wonder what was happening in the story, as we never got to find out! Have a look at your punctuation again - I think you got a bit muddled with it sometimes, but well done - a great piece for the 100WC!
Well done Jonny, what a great 100wc, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. You sued some super descriptive phrases and you tried to use some advanced punctuation ( the ;). You do need to make sure you are using all your punctuation marks accurately - try reading your worl aloud this might help you see where commas and full stops naturally fall.
ReplyDeleteWell done again and keep up the super work :-)
Mrs McGuinnity (Team 100wc)